Until Donald Trump squeezed out of America’s little brown eye last November, I had no idea there were so many gruesome, half-wit billionaires in this country. I’m not talking about Trump – primarily because I don’t buy for a second that guy is worth anything close to a billion dollars. I’m sure he’s got some pretty Apprentice coin, but I’m also sure he’s in debt up to his gill-slits to bankers, oligarchs, oil princes, and whoever else he can get to float a cover loan to pay off all his other loans.
You can see how he operates when you think about his wall. First he proposes a tacky, unnecessary, and almost certainly unfeasible southern border wall to make America safe, keep out the rapists. Plus, it will be a huge piece of art : “It’ll be a beautiful wall, a real beauty,” he said repeatedly on the stump. But walls are never beautiful ; a wall is always an eyesore, albeit sometimes a necessary eyesore. (Speaking of which, I wonder if anybody on the trumptrain has considered that as soon as a wall is built, it will become the largest canvas for anti-trump art and propaganda in the world.) Over and over he made the same unrealistic promise : “Mexico will pay for it.” Sure, whatever, but now he’s President, and he changes his tune : he wants to build the wall first and make Mexico pay for it later. It’s too important to wait because terrorismrapemurder. So now we’re paying for the wall up front and we’ll get reimbursed down the road. But what does reimbursed mean ?
It can mean anything. It can mean a balance of trade deal with Mexico where time or interest rates are shifted slightly. It can mean a tariff or an import tax. It definitely won’t mean actual cash, because Mexico never was going to pay for the wall. I’m also pretty sure the wall will never be built — not as Trump sold it — and what will be built will almost certainly be tied up in court. That’s how Trump makes money — false promises, bullshit accounting, bad financing, and litigation. So if he says he’s got (laugh-choke) 10 billion in assets, he’s got to owe 9.4 billion, minimum.
But there are all these other billionaires coming up like cicadas. Betsy DeVos, Wilbur Ross, Linda McMahon — all of them unremarkable in any way except for their ridiculous fortunes. And they’re all in Trump’s cabinet. That’s exciting. Now I read about another couple more billionaires — Robert Mercer and his daughter Rebekah Mercer. Robert appears to be a math savant who made a lot of money running a hedge fund. Rebekah seems like a woman who is perfectly capable of running an online bakery, which is what she did before investing in Breitbart and Steve Bannon and deciding her money meant she gets to make the rules. And thanks to Citizens United and the flatline-inducing level of corruption in American politics, she does. She and her father have despicable ideas about human value and they’re racists, of course. But I have to admit I really liked something Robert is quoted as saying. He’s talking to Sheldon Adelson, billionaire (yawn) casino mogul and Zionist cocksucker, and the quote is meant to illustrate Robert’s extreme mistrust of the élite political class. But I don’t care about any of that. I just like his turn of phrase.
“I don’t know any of your fancy friends,” Robert told Adelson, “and I haven’t got any interest in knowing them.”
I like how he says “haven’t got” instead of “don’t have.” I’m totally going to do that now.